Fatherhood
by Heera Malhotra
Summary: Artemis has been married for nearly a year, but is he ready to be a father? According to Holly, NO WAY! AFxOC
1. Medical Report

_**Disclaimer: No, I don't own Artemis or Holly…but I do own Anna-Maria. This is supposed to be pretty much a one-shot, but I may post another chapter or so if I get good reviews…**_

"Hmmm…consistent vomiting…frequent head pain…uneasiness of the stomach…"

Holly practically fell asleep on the table while listening to Artemis read the medical report out loud. "Get on with it, Mud Boy."

Artemis ignored her as he continued to read the report. "…as well as a change in dietary habits. Hmmm…Anna-Maria must be…"

Holly lifted her head. "Yes?"

"She must be…"

"Yes?"

"She must be suffering from a brain-tumor!"

Holly deflated like a balloon instantly. She snatched the medical report and read it quickly; then rolled her eyes and reached over to smack the back of Artemis's head. "Great job, Mister Genius!"

"Ow! Holly, what was that for?" Artemis exclaimed as he rubbed his neck and head, wincing.

"You made a misdiagnosis! Anna-Maria isn't suffering from a brain-tumor, you doorknob; she's pregnant!"

"Where does it say that?"

Holly flipped the report over to show him. "It was on the other side, in fine print: 'the patient is expecting'."

"Oh."

Holly waited for him to get the picture. First-time fathers are usually very disbelieving at first and usually in denial (that's what it was like for my dad ).

"Oh! I – I'm going to be a father! Which means…Mother and Father are going to be grandparents; well, there's going to be mixed feelings in that aspect."

Holly plopped her head on the table. Artemis had caught on a lot faster than most males, but his reaction was still pretty much the same.

"I have to tell Anna-Maria!"

"Of course, Artemis," Holly mumbled. "Can't have the baby if the mother doesn't know."

"Tell me what?"

Holly turned towards the new voice as Artemis jumped up and swept Anna-Maria into his arms. "Whoa, Artemis, dear; relax! Our wedding anniversary is next month, remember?"

Holly lifted her head. "I don't think that's why he's so happy."

Anna-Maria looked at her for a moment. "Really? Artemis, will you put me down please? I think I am getting slightly nauseous."

"That's wonderful!" Artemis exclaimed.

Anna-Maria looked up at him, surprised. "It is?" She got down and got herself a glass of water. "Why is that?"

"Because, Anna-Maria, you're going to be a mother!"

Anna-Maria's surprise was so great that she immediately spit out the water that she had been in the midst of drinking. The spit-out water ended up six inches away from Holly's face. "Well, you always were good at taking news calmly." Holly muttered sarcastically as she backed away from the water. "Somebody's going to have to clean that up, and it's not going to be me."

"I – I'm going to be a WHAT?"

Artemis put his arms around her gently. "Anna-Maria, calm down, please. You have another being inside you, growing with you. You are going to need to be more careful from now on."

"I need to use a bathroom with a good sink."

"Good, while you do that, I'll think up names if we have a boy, and suitable names if we have a girl." Artemis replied as she made her way to the bathroom.

Holly picked up the medical report again. "Actually, you need to come up with a name for a girl, and one for a boy. You've got twins; a girl and a boy."

"TWINS?!" Anna-Maria and Artemis said simultaneously.

"How long have I been pregnant?"

"About three months, apparently."

"Three months?!" Anna-Maria was unconscious before she could hit the floor (which she didn't because Artemis caught her).

Holly watched with interest. "Well, that was unexpected."

_**So? How was it? Anybody want to review?**_


	2. Hormonal Imbalance

_**Thanks to my reviewers, I've decided to post another chapter. As always, reviews are more than welcome!**_

Artemis winced as Anna-Maria tightened her grip on his hand. He could feel the bones in his hand being reduced to so much calcium with cartilage chunks in between; which, of course, was quite painful. "Anna-Maria, darling," He spoke through clenched teeth. "If my hand is broken now; you won't have anything to squeeze when you go into labor six months from now."

Anna-Maria relinquished her grip instantly to pick up the cup of tea Holly had placed in front of her. However, Artemis noticed that her hand was trembling as she lifted the cup. "Anna-Maria, is there something on your mind?"

"Is there something on my mind? IS THERE SOMETHING ON MY MIND?!" She grabbed him by the collar and yanked him close. "Artemis, I am three months pregnant with twins; of course there's something on my mind! I am not ready!"

"Well, I can see your hormonal balance is reacting to the pregnancy as it is supposed to. Darling, will you let go of my collar?" Artemis said as Anna-Maria ceased clutching his collar. "And as to your not being ready, would you care to evaluate further?"

"Artemis, I am not ready! I'm too young to be a mother already; I turned twenty-one only three months ago!"

"Then why did you marry me at twenty years of age?"

"Because you asked me to!"

"Well, that should have been obvious…" Artemis turned to Holly, who was seated on the couch in front of them with a video camera. "How long have you been taping this?"

"Not long," Holly replied. "I started shortly after we revived Anna-Maria."

Artemis turned back to Anna-Maria. "Honey, I think you are forgetting that I myself am only twenty-two years old, yet I am perfectly fine with the situation. Are you saying you do not want to have the twins?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Arty, of course I want them! It's just…all the pain, the cramps, the dietary and hormonal imbalances; I'm going to gain so much weight!"

Holly looked up from the camera. "Okay, that last one was random."  
"Changes in behavior and mood are only to be expected. For example –"

"Here we go," Holly moaned. "One comment and he launches into a lecture."

Anna-Maria suddenly burst into tears. Artemis grabbed a tissue box and held it under her eyes. "Oh, darling, what's wrong now?"

"I – I just realized –" Anna-Maria broke off as she continued to cry.

"What realization have you come to?" Artemis asked, worrying that they were going to run out of tissues soon and he would have to ask Butler to purchase more.

"Our – our children aren't going to – to have any maternal grandparents!"

Artemis frowned as Anna-Maria continued to weep. "That's what you have crying about? Anna-Maria, you can't change the past and bring your parents back to life; so there really is no use crying about it."

"I know but –" Anna-Maria broke off and looked up at him. "Oh, Arty, I love you so much!"

Holly focused in on Artemis's face for that one. His expression was a mixture of pleasure, confusion, slight bewilderment, and excitement; but mostly slight bewilderment and pleasure (if that makes any sense at all). "It's always good to know that your emotions are completely imbalanced and it's better to know that it's normal in this kind of situation."

Anna-Maria's face took on an angry expression. "What kind of reply is that?! I say 'I love you' and you say 'It's good to know you are behaving accordingly'? Some father you'll make!"

Holly had to bite down on her lower lip to keep herself from bursting into laughter, and then tears from laughing so hard.

Artemis frowned and closed her camera lens as he followed Anna-Maria out of the living room. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry. I love you too, more than anything. But we do need to think more of your health and how we are going to manage our lives to ensure a happy childhood for our offspring."

Anna-Maria looked at him. "What are you so worried about? We just have the kids, that's all there is to it! Artemis, you're rich and I've inherited my grandmother's fortune; our kids will be financially prepared for. We just have to make sure they don't turn into spoilt brats."

Artemis looked dumbfounded for a moment. "Your emotions certainly are changing at a brisk rate. First you were stressed, and then gloomy, then loving, then angry, now you're calm. Holly, are there any more emotions that you know of?"

"Well, there's only –"

Anna-Maria screamed and headed for the bathroom. "I think that was the last one."

"Which is?" Artemis asked as he closed the bathroom door, not exactly wanting to hear Anna-Maria's breakfast as it made its way up through her esophagus.

"Extreme nausea."

"That hardly qualifies as an emotion."

"It does when you're pregnant."

_**Reviews would definitely be good – and not ill-suited to the occasion.**_


	3. Baby Names

_**Another chapter? How long should I make this thing? Don't strangle me when I ask for reviews – so please review!**_

"We need to decide on a name." Artemis told Anna-Maria as they sat on the table.

"No kidding, is that why all these books on baby names are on the table?" She asked sarcastically.

"Your sense of sarcasm has sharpened dramatically." Artemis observed. "This hormonal imbalance is going to last quite a while and return repeatedly."

"Sorry, Artemis, I can't help it." Anna-Maria said as she leaned back in her seat and opened a book.

"I know you can't Anna-Maria, it's perfectly understandable. No one would be able to remain perfectly cheery in your place."

"Thank you, Artemis…I think." She frowned over her book for a moment. "Artemis?"

"Hmmm…?"

"This book has names for German babies."

Holly burst into laughter at that as Artemis frowned at her. "I – I'm sorry," She said through giggles. "It – it's just, the look on your face!"

Artemis drummed his fingers on the table. "Are you through?"

Holly covered her mouth for a moment and stopped herself. "I'm done, promise. Anyway, what do you need all those books for? You're going to name the boy Artemis at any rate and just name the girl Holly and save yourselves some trouble."

Anna-Maria tapped a pen against her chin in thought. "Well, we can't call her Holly; it would be too confusing whenever you come for a visit. Although it can be her middle name… but Holly does have a point, Artemis, we don't need these books. In Italian tradition, the eldest boy is named for his paternal grandfather, and the eldest girl for her paternal grandmother. A second boy is named for his maternal grandfather, and a second girl is named for her maternal grandmother."

"Hmmm…that's right. But we are not going to name our next son Julius." Artemis replied.

"Can we have this one first before we talk of more? And in that case our second daughter will be named Rebecca."

"What do you suggest?"

"Well, the boy will be named Artemis –"

Holly slumped on the sofa. "I knew it."

"And since my mother's name was Angela and your mother's is Angeline, we can name the girl Angelina."

Artemis nodded. "That's a fair compromise. So the girl will be Angelina Holly Fowl –"

"Boy, what a mouthful!" Holly commented.

"And our son's middle name will be…"

Anna-Maria looked thoughtful. "Vincenzo will be his middle name. Artemis Vincenzo Fowl."

Artemis smiled. "That has a nice ring to it."

"Sure, if you want him to get made fun of at the children's park!"

Anna-Maria frowned in her direction. "Holly, Vincenzo is a very popular Italian name for a boy. Unless you think Artemis Julio Fowl sounds better?"

"Actually…it does." Holly replied.

Anna-Maria looked surprised. "It does?"

"Isn't 'Julio' the Italian form of 'Julius'?" Artemis asked.

"Oh, Arty, dear, you said we couldn't name a son _Julius_, you never said anything about _Julio_; besides, it's a middle name, not a first name. Please, Artemis, let me honor my father by giving his name to our son."

Artemis grinned. "Anna-Maria, relax. I was only joking on that previous comment; I thought you knew that."

"Artemis, don't joke with Anna-Maria too much; there's still some hormonal imbalances that are affecting her sense of humor."

"How do you know?"

Holly raised an eyebrow at him. "Because that happened to Caballine when she was pregnant."

"I still have trouble believing that she actually married Foaly; let alone had a baby centaur." Anna-Maria commented.

"So…Artemis Julio Fowl and Angelina Holly Fowl, is that what they are going to be named?" Artemis asked as he wrote the names down. "What do we name the other seven children then?"

Anna-Maria looked frantic while Holly blinked and wished her camera hadn't run out of battery. "What other seven?"

"Remember our wedding night? You said you wanted nine children." Artemis replied calmly.

Anna-Maria relaxed instantly. "Oh, yes. But, Artemis?"

"Yes?"

"Can we come up with the other seven names _later_, like when those seven children are _born_?"

"Oh. Of course." Artemis put down his book and lifted Anna-Maria out of her seat gently. "You really should get some rest now."

"Artemis, I haven't turned into glass just because I'm having babies. Oh, no!"

Holly frowned and reached for her neutrino. "What? Is there something wrong? Like an early labor or an intruder or –"

"No! I'm going to have to give up karate lessons for the time being." Anna-Maria moaned.

Holly raised an eyebrow as she returned her neutrino to its sheath on her belt. "You take karate lessons?"

"She teaches them." Artemis corrected.

Holly sighed and plunked her head on the armrest of the sofa. "Your kids are going to be real something. I'm starting to think genii should avoid mood-swings and hormonal imbalances at any cost."

"Artemis, put me down!" Anna-Maria exclaimed.

"Why?"

"Do you want me to vomit all over you?" She asked as Artemis quickly set her down on the floor. "That's what I thought."

"You need to add something to your to-do list, Mud Boy." Holly said after Anna-Maria left.

"What?" Artemis asked as he studied his list. "It doesn't appear to be missing anything vital."

"You should install a basin and filtering system in your bedroom so that Anna-Maria won't have to go back and forth between the bathroom and bed in the early mornings. And buy some earplugs so you won't have to hear food as it gets thrown up."

"Oh, thanks so much, Holly, you're a real help." Artemis retorted.

"You're welcome."

_**Keep reviewing…because in the next chapter you'll see how Anna-Maria and Artemis react to the cravings she gets!**_


	4. Cravings

_**Okay, let's see how Anna-Maria and Artemis react to the cravings she gets! As always, please be so kind as to review!**_

Artemis frowned in his state of half-awareness as he realized that Anna-Maria was not in the room with him. Opening his eyes slowly, Artemis blinked as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. He sat up slowly and turned the light on, wondering if Anna-Maria had gone to the bathroom. No, Anna-Maria wasn't in the room or the adjacent one.

Artemis stifled a yawn as he pondered where Anna-Maria could be. "Hmmm…a twenty-one year-old woman who is three and a half months into her first pregnancy which happens to be a dual birth…she has to be in the kitchen!"

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Anna-Maria cringed as Artemis turned the kitchen lights on. "Ouch, Artemis, don't attract too much attention! Angeline, Timmy, and the twins may be disturbed by the light."

Artemis frowned and turned most of the lights off, leaving the one nearest to Anna-Maria on. "I'm assuming that by 'the twins' you are referring to Davy and Diana. What's going on? Are you having –"

"I feel like eating a combination of kiwi and peanut butter."

"cravings." Artemis finished as he opened the refrigerator and took out the jar of peanut butter and a kiwi. Sighing, he took a knife and cut the kiwi into slices, which he placed in a bowl of peanut butter and handed to Anna-Maria.

She took it gently and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Artemis; you're the best husband anyone could have."

Artemis smiled wearily and, after a few minutes, took the bowl back from her. "Anything else?"

Anna-Maria frowned slightly. "Are you sure you won't mind?"

"Darling, you're my love, my wife; how can I mind?"

Anna-Maria but her lip before replying, "Okay…I – I feel like having some ice cream, coffee flavor."

Artemis opened the freezer and looked inside. "Hmmm…we only have mint-chocolate chip."

"Oh. It's okay; I'll just –" Anna-Maria's voice trailed off as Artemis grabbed his jacket from his hook and wrapped himself in it. "I'll just – what are you doing?"

Artemis turned to her with a half-grin on his face as he held his hand out to her. "We're going to get you the ice-cream you want. Get your jacket, and we'll go."

"But – it's just a silly craving. And where can you get ice-cream at three A.M.?"

Artemis took her hand and pulled her through the door. "I was conducting research a few days ago."

Anna-Maria stopped and raised an eyebrow at him. "Let me guess; you were anticipating that I was going to have odd cravings like ice-cream in the middle of the night?"

Artemis's grin was complete now. "How did you know?"

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Anna-Maria sighed for the umpteenth time. "Artemis, really, it's three fifteen A.M. These cravings are supposed to happen; I don't have to give in to them."

Artemis just steered the Bentley till he found what he was looking for. "There it is; this ice-cream shop is open twenty-four hours."

"Why?"

"One reason; pregnant females plus cravings equals more business. It's a simple equation, really."

"Everything consists of a simple equation to you, Artemis. Let me guess what the one for pregnancy is; conception plus nine-month gestation period equals infants." Anna-Maria replied.

Artemis grinned. "Actually, that doesn't sound half bad."

Anna-Maria smacked him in the shoulder. "How immensely impolite! Don't talk like that in front of the twins!"

Artemis frowned. "Diana and Davy aren't anywhere near here."

"Not your twin _siblings_, Arty, _our _twins. Angelina and Artemis can hear what you're saying."

"How can they hear what I'm saying while they are in your womb?" Artemis asked as he parked the Bentley.

"Babies can sense and hear everything in the womb, Artemis."

He turned to her with a serious expression. "Do you have anything to support that statement?"

Anna-Maria frowned at him. "Artemis, when you're a mother, you just know these things. I don't know how I know, I just do."

"Sure, just like you knew that you were expecting before we got the medical report back from that Haven doctor. You just fainted from happiness and fatigue." Artemis retorted. "This shop should have a drive-through area. You wanted coffee flavor, right?"

"Yes, but why a drive-through? I can come in with you; I'm not about to let myself get kidnapped or anything! I doubt a kidnapper would want a pregnant woman vomiting all over his possessions anyway. I'll be fine in the car…but I'll come in with you."

"Why?"

"I want to."

"I still don't know why."

Anna-Maria leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Was that reason enough for you?" She asked, a smile playing about her lips.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Anna-Maria sat down at the kitchen table as soon as they returned to Fowl Manor. "Are you still craving something more?" Artemis asked.

"Well, yes. But I don't want to burden you."

"You'll burden me if you won't tell me what it is that you want."

"Artemis, I feel like eating barbecue potato chips with strawberry yogurt."

"You want to eat fried potato slices that are barbecue flavored and dipped in strawberry yogurt? Am I the only one seeing something wrong with that picture?"

"Artemis, please?"

He sighed. "Very well. As grotesque as that sounds, I will get you –" He swallowed uncomfortably. "Barbecue potato chips with strawberry yogurt."

"Thank you, Arty. Oh, and can you also get me some pomegranates and some lollipops?"

"Pomegranates, dear? You do know that I will be able to find ripe ones at this time only in Saudi Arabia?"

"You have a car."

"And lollipops? I thought you hated them."

"Normally, yes. But pregnancy makes one crave things they usually have no taste for." She replied. "Please, Arty? It won't take you very long. Only…" Anna-Maria looked at her watch. "Seven and a half hours by LEP shuttle. Or you can just take a plane and get there in twelve hours and be back in another twelve. Cherry and strawberry lollipops only, please."

"Uh…of course." Artemis replied as he put his jacket back on and muttered, "Oh, the things I do for you."

"I beg your pardon?" Anna-Maria asked, frowning deeply.

"Nothing." He said quickly.

"That's what I thought."

_**Hmmm…what should I make the next chapter about? Someone tell me! I need more ideas for the rest of the fic! Should I include a confrontation between Minerva and Anna-Maria in a later chapter?**_


	5. First Sonogram

_**Darn it! Must my **__**Felus domesticus**__** (although treasured) continuously saunter on my keyboard when I am in the midst of typing?! I am continuously deleting odd combinations of numbers and letters from my work – but I am quite certain that is not something you want to, much less need to, know. Reviews would be appreciated greatly.**_

"Artemis?"

"Hmmm…?"

"Will you get your hand off of my stomach? I can't complete this paperwork with you rubbing my lower midriff asking Angelina and Artemis how they like it in my womb." Anna-Maria replied as she smoothed her hair and tied it into a loose ponytail.

"Oh. I'm sorry." Artemis said, withdrawing his arm. "But – are you not excited? We are getting our first sonogram of the twins today."

"Not overly excited if you consider that soon I won't be able to see past my stomach if I try to glance downward." She replied. "Where's Holly? Wasn't she coming over?"

"Does she need to?" Artemis asked. "Where's Davy's toolbox?"

"Davy's toolbox? In his room, where else would it be?" She frowned and looked at him suspiciously. "Why?"

"I need his hammer."

"And why, may I ask, do you need his hammer?"

"If Holly brings her camera, I'm going to need something to smash it with."

Anna-Maria rolled her eyes (which Artemis found very attractive, if you can believe it) and muttered, "Men, they always act as if the sky is falling and is about to land on their heads."

"No, you're thinking of Chicken Little. Which reminds me….do you think we should read bedtime stories to the twins at night?"

"I think it may be better to do that after the twins are born – at least then they'll be able to see the pictures and won't wonder why their father is making odd sounds."  
"You always were good at insults." Artemis said, smiling his vampire-smile.

"Touché, Mr. Fowl." Her bracelet vibrated. "Oh, that must be Holly." Sure enough, Holly's image appeared on the screen.

"Hello, Mud Boy; Fairy Girl. Ready for your first sonogram?" The elf captain asked.

"One more trip to the bathroom, and I'll be ready."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Artemis watched as Anna-Maria paced around the room nervously. "Darling, will you relax? I am quite certain that young Artemis and Angelina can sense your nervousness; it may disrupt them in some way."

"Artemis, our children are going to be quarter-fairies; what if their ears are pointed?"

"Then they will have a characteristic that makes them unique from other children." Artemis replied as he leaned back into his chair. "Please, calm yourself. As you have said, they will be only quarter-fairies; hence, their ears will only be slightly pointed if at all. We are simply getting our first sonogram of our first-borns."

"Yes, but fairy sonograms are much more advanced than human ones." She replied, finally sitting down.

"How so?"

"Well, first of all, they are in color. Secondly, the doctor can tell you what the exact height, weight, physical features, and intelligence quotient of the infant will be at birth."

"Do they _have _to supply us with all that information?" Artemis asked with a raised eyebrow. "I would rather be surprised."

"No, they don't have to tell the patient; they just can. It takes away from the surprise and extra pleasure of being a parent, does it not?"

Holly focused her camera on their faces. "I don't know about that – but I would hope that you don't end up with an Artemis-like version of a baby vampire if I were you."

Artemis frowned. "Thanks so much for your opinion, but I doubt that young Artemis and Angelina found it humorous."

Anna-Maria sighed. "How long have we been waiting? It feels like we've been in this room for the past five hours."

Artemis looked at his watch. "Actually, we have only been here for about five minutes. The doctor should be calling us in –"

"Mr. and Mrs. Fowl? The doctor will see you now." A nurse said.

"Shortly." Artemis finished. "I detest interruptions."

"Get used to them, Mud Boy." Holly smirked.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Holly had her camera focused on Anna-Maria, Artemis, and the sonogram machine; but the doctor appeared to be the exact opposite of camera-shy. On the contrary, she kept trying to push her face in front of the lens. "Do you mind?" Holly hissed at her after she had to move the camera for the fifth time. "I'm trying to get shots of the expecting parents."

"Is that the boy on the left side?" Artemis asked, pointing.

Anna-Maria studied the screen and whispered, "Artemis, that's an arm."

"It is?" Artemis frowned and squinted at the screen. "Oh. That explains why there are two of them."

"What are those odd vibration waves?" Anna-Maria asked the doctor.

"The twins are laughing." The doctor replied.

Holly focused in on Artemis's face and cracked up. "Great job, Mud Boy, the twins haven't been born yet and you're already making them laugh!"

"Thank you yet again, Holly. Remind me to erase that DVD when we get home."

"Which twin is on which side?" Anna-Maria interjected.

"Angelina is on the left, Artemis is on the right."

Holly covered her mouth, but burst out laughing anyway. "The twins must have found it funny that their father managed to mistake one for the other even though they aren't identical!"

Artemis frowned. "It was a mistake that any person could make. I am not a sonogram specialist, after all."

"Enough with the arguing, you two!" Anna-Maria exclaimed. "Doctor, how much longer am I going to stay like this?"

"Just until I can print out a picture of the sonogram." The doctor replied, manipulating certain controls that looked very complicated (Holly wondered how such a dimwit had managed to get through medical school). She snatched the photo from the printer and held it up. "Okay, Mrs. Fowl, you can get off the bed now...or sit up or whatever you want to do."

Anna-Maria frowned at her as she sat up. "Are you always this vague?"

"Uh…sometimes."

Holly whispered to Artemis, "Why did you pick an idiot to birth your first-borns?"

"She may be an idiot, but she managed to get the highest grades in her class." Artemis replied.

"Either that wasn't a very smart class, or she cheated off of somebody."

"Do we have anything to worry about?" Anna-Maria asked.

"Not really. In your situation, seeing as the two of you are genii; I'd worry that the kids would be morons – like multiplying a negative by a negative equals a positive. But the twins are fine – if you consider an I.Q. of 188 per twin at birth fine."

Anna-Maria frowned. "Is there a form of some sort I can fill out to get a different doctor?"

Artemis sighed. "Who is the most intelligent doctor at this clinic?"

"You're looking at her." The doctor replied with a cheery (must be fake) smile.

Holly blinked. "Oh boy, you two are in for it."

_**I'd hate to have such a moronic doctor in their situation…REVIEW please!**_


	6. Anniversary Surprises

_**Does anyone know the meaning of the word 'please' anymore? Do I have to **__**command**__** my readers to leave a review? **_

Anna-Maria frowned and turned over, but whatever it was that was tickling her chin was still there. Still half-asleep, her eyes flickered and focused on the parakeet that was chirping on her chest. _Wait, a minute!_ Anna-Maria thought frantically. _Since when did we get a parakeet?!_

"Artemis!" She screamed. "Why is there a bird on me?!"

The male genius opened the door, looking worried. "What happened?"

Anna-Maria managed to keep herself from bolting out of the bed. _If this bird urinates on me… _"Artemis, there is a bird, a parakeet to be precise, sitting on me and tickling my chin."

He tried not to laugh as he allowed the bird to perch itself on his finger. "Relax, darling, it's not a wild bird. Mother gave it to us as a gift; it must have gotten out of its cage." Anna-Maria watched as the parakeet climbed up to his shoulder. "Its name is not Paulie, is it?"

Artemis laughed. "No, not Paulie, fortunately for us. Diana named him Rocky; don't ask me why, ask her."

Anna-Maria relaxed and got out of the bed slowly, not wanting to startle Rocky. "Oh, as a present? As long as he won't hurt the twins I don't mind." She said, reaching out a finger to stroke the bird. Rocky did the equivalent of a purr and perched himself on her finger, chirping merrily.

Artemis smiled and hugged her gently. "Happy anniversary, sweetheart."

Anna-Maria kissed his cheek. "I wanted to get you something, Artemis, but what can you get a man who has practically everything?"

He swept her up into his arms and kissed her. "You have made me a father, no man can ask for a greater gift. But a woman can." He put her down and clasped an emerald bracelet around her wrist. "It matches the exact color of your eyes."

"Oh, Artemis!" She hugged him so tightly he could feel the air being squeezed out of his lungs.

"Darling, not so hard please. I am finding it extremely difficult to –" Anna-Maria let go, looking slightly worried. "Breathe." He finished, inhaling deeply. "Thank you, I love you too."

"Artemis, there's something I need to tell you. It's about –" The doorbell interrupted her.

"I'll get it." Artemis offered.

Anna-Maria held up one hand. "No, I'll get it. I can still answer doors even though I'm four months pregnant."

Artemis watched her go. "I never said you couldn't." He said to himself. "Did I accidentally insinuate it?"

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Anna-Maria opened the door and pasted a fake smile on her face. "Well, hello, Minerva. I certainly was not expecting you. Was Artemis…?"

"Oh, Anna-Maria," The 21 year-old girl flipped a strand of blond hair out of her eyes. "I was not expecting you here. Were you in the midst of something? Do you mind my being here? I thought you and Arty stopped dating over a year ago."

"Minerva, _Artemis_ and I are not dating, we're married. Exactly a year now today."

The French girl's eyes turned to slits as she smiled (falsely). "Oh, really? Happy Anniversary, did he get you something nice? Oh, of course he did! What did you get for him?"

Anna-Maria tried not to growl as she replied, "That is a personal matter you do not need to be informed of."

Minerva kept smiling as her eyes traveled over the younger girl. "Well, someone has certainly let herself go." She said, eyeing Anna-Maria's growing belly.

Anna-Maria would have done something she may (or may not) have regretted later if Artemis had not come in at that moment. "Who is it at the door, darl –" He paused as soon as he saw Minerva. "Hello, Minerva…" Anna-Maria shot him a look that said, _Did you know about this? _Artemis answered her with one that said, _No, you're the one who said you had something to tell me._

Minerva flashed him a smile as she said, "Why hello, Arty. I was just telling Anna-Maria here that she appears to have let herself go – in terms of her figure, of course."

Anna-Maria frowned and looked at Artemis. _Artemis, please get this insane woman out of our home!_

Artemis raised an eyebrow. "Well, that shows how much you know. Anna-Maria has a very high metabolism; she is sometimes thin to the extent that I worry about her. And in case you have not noticed, Anna-Maria is in the mid-stages of fetal development."

Minerva raised an eyebrow. "Really? That's…interesting."

Anna-Maria frowned at him and mouthed, _Do you have any idea of what you just said?_

_What did I say…oh. Oh! _"Uh…that was not exactly my meaning. I did not mean that Anna-Maria was **in** the stages of fetal development, I meant that she is **experiencing** them."

"Of course. It is only to be expected between a husband and wife. Although I would never have expected that you would have impregnated her so quickly."

Anna-Maria fought to hide her displeasure. Artemis frowned and hoped her blood pressure and blood sugar levels were normal. The last thing they needed now was a double miscarriage because of a girl who was speaking too much for her own good. "Minerva, perhaps it is best if you departed…now." Artemis said, managing to keep the glare out of his eyes.

"But I –"

"Goodbye, Minerva." Anna-Maria said cheerily as she closed the door in the French girl's face.

Artemis smiled. "Same Anna-Maria all over. Now, what was it you were going to tell me?"

Anna-Maria stood with her back to the door. "Well, I was going to tell you that –" The doorbell rang (again). Anna-Maria sighed and opened the door. "Julio, how nice to see you again. How long has it been?"

Artemis raised an eyebrow coolly as a familiar blond-haired man stepped into the room. The man smiled at him. "Artemis, how are things going? It's been exactly a year now, hasn't it?" He heaved a sigh of happiness, or at least satisfaction. "You're one lucky man, Artemis. Anna-Maria could easily have chosen me; after all, we grew up together."

Anna-Maria rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm. "Stop it, Julio! When the LEP retrieved me, you were only eight years-old, two years older than me. And then you wouldn't have met me again if it wasn't for Artemis."

Julio grinned. "True, and if it wasn't for Artemis, I wouldn't have lost my heart to you."

Anna-Maria nudged him impatiently. "Stop it, Julio, now!"

Artemis smiled his vampire smile. "Have you heard the good news?"

"What good –" Artemis turned the older man's head until he was looking at Anna-Maria's growing midsection. "Whoa."

Anna-Maria smacked the back of his head. "Watch it, Julio! Don't forget I could always aim a punch better than you." She tugged his collar until he was on eye level with her and her green eyes were glaring into his brown ones. "_Capisci_?"

"_Sí, io capisco!_"

Artemis just prevented a laugh from escaping as his smile grew to a grin.

"_Quanti mesi?_" Julio asked, straightening his collar.

"_Quattro._" Artemis replied with a smile.

"Ah, I could have guessed. Anna-Maria's mother was acting the same way when…" The Italian man caught Anna-Maria glaring at him. "Never mind."

Artemis grinned. This was going to be a very eventful visit.

_**I've stayed up till 11 'o' clock just to finish this chapter (yes, that's late for me) so PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW!**_


	7. Adventures in Knitting

_**New chapter everyone! I need more ideas, please! Can some people give me ideas in reviews?**_

Artemis thought for a moment that he was in the wrong room when he walked in to find Anna-Maria sitting on the sofa, knitting. He raised an eyebrow at Holly, who was beside her, holding balls of yarn. "Don't ask me, Mud Boy. I'm as surprised as you are."

"Darling, you knit? Since when?" He asked.

"I looked online and figured out how to do it. I thought the twins would enjoy something made by their mother."

"With love in every stitch?" Holly guessed.

"No, there's yarn in every stitch."

Holly would have hit her head against the wall, but she settled for the armrest. "Only five months left, thank Frond."

"Holly, sit straight! You're going to let the yarn tangle up!"

"Why did I volunteer of all the officers in Section Eight and the LEP to observe and make sure Anna-Maria's first pregnancy went normally? Please remind me."

"Because you are a close companion of both Anna-Maria and me – and you wanted to be the twins' godmother, protecting them from the start." Artemis replied, smiling smugly.

"And who's supposed to protect me from Anna-Maria's hormonal imbalances?"

"You're on your own on that."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"What…is…that?"

"Artemis! It's a pair of booties, can't you tell?"

"No, not even remotely."

"Try turning your head to one side."

Artemis did so. "They're crooked, and their soles are completely flat. I thought you said you had it all figured out."

"I did. Holly made these; I made this sweater." She held it up and showed him.

"Well, the sleeves may be a bit long, but it's better than the booties."

"Hey! It was my first try, Mud Boy!" Holly exclaimed.

"Very well. Anna-Maria, what did you make on your first try?" He asked.

She held up another sweater. "I knit this one for you. This shade of blue matches your eyes perfectly."

Artemis studied it. "So it does, but I think it would be more suitable for Butler than me."

"What makes you say that?"

He looked down for a moment. Anna-Maria followed his gaze. "Well, for one thing, even though you are holding it at shoulder height, the hem is trailing on the floor."

"Oh. So it is."

Holly cracked up and replayed the whole thing on her camera. "At least Butler finally has something specially made for him by someone he's close to. Next time, make sure you have the right male's measurements!"

Anna-Maria tossed the gigantic sweater over the fairy and her camera lens. "And next time, make sure your camera lens can see through wool."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Artemis turned to leave as soon as he saw Anna-Maria pick up her knitting needles. "Artemis, get back here please!"

He sighed and turned back. "Do you need something, dear?"

"Artemis, how do I tell Mom I don't want to knit?"

"Mother told you to knit?"

"It was a suggestion." She replied, picking at a crooked stitch. "But frankly, I stink at it. Can we go out? I feel like playing soccer or maybe basketball."

"In this condition? I'd feel more comfortable if you stuck to knitting during this time."

Anna-Maria raised an eyebrow but continued to work on her knitting. "Artemis?"

"Hmm?"

"I just knit a sweater without a neck-hole."

_**Sorry for the really short chapter, I just really need some ideas! So, please, please, review!**_


	8. Bedtime

_**Time for another chapter – this one is based on a suggestion by **_**.yashamew**_**. Read, have fun, and review!**_

Anna-Maria was startled awake by a particularly loud snore. She had fallen asleep sitting sideways in an armchair with a maternity magazine over the lower half of her face, leaving only her eyes visible. She lifted the magazine and frowned as she spotted Artemis asleep on his desk. "No wonder he's snoring, it's four A.M.! I'll have to wake him up and get him to go to bed."

She stood up and reached out to shake his shoulder. "Artemis? Wake up, dear."

Still dreaming, the Irishman muttered, "Not now, Mother. I am busy working on an important experiment that cannot be interrupted."

Anna-Maria's eyebrows went up and she shook him again. "Artemis, dear, wake up!"

"Mother, I need to complete testing for my newest experiment; I will see to it in the morning."

"Artemis, I am not your mother! This is Anna-Maria talking to you, wake up!"

The male genius stood up drowsily and ended up leaning on her for support. "Mother, I can sleep later."

"Of course; you're delusional due to lack of proper rest. Since that is the case, I will choose to neglect the fact that you appear to find me more motherly than spousal." Anna-Maria wrapped his arm around her shoulder to support him and turned towards the hallway.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Five minutes later, Artemis was still murmuring in his sleep. "That's unnatural. Artemis, wake up this instant!" She had managed to pull him into their bedroom, but he just lay on the floor, sleeping with his head on his arm. "Artemis, sleep in your bed!"

"Mother, do you remember the lullaby you used to sing to me as a toddler? It may calm Davy and Diana."

"Okay that's it." She knelt next to him and yelled in his ear, "Artemis, wake up NOW!"

He snapped out if his lethargic state and looked up at her. "What? I was simply working on a project when…" He looked at his surroundings. "How did I get here from the study? Did you…?" Anna-Maria nodded. "In your condition? Anna-Maria, you know how dangerous that can be!"

"Yes, it _can _be dangerous. But trust me, the twins are perfectly fine."

"Are you sure?"

She guided his hand to her stomach. "They're kicking, you can feel it."

Artemis paused and concentrated on feeling the motions of the young twins. "They _are_ kicking, and they are strong! How can you possibly stand the pain?"

"I just think about how sweet Angelina and Artemis will be when they're born, and that makes everything worth it.'

Artemis smiled and kissed her softly. "Have I ever told you I love you?"

"You may have mentioned it once or twice." She replied with a mischievous smile.

He sighed and picked himself up off the floor. "So I suppose it is bedtime?"

"Wow, Mr. Genius, what told you that? Was the moon peeking at you through the window again?"

Artemis grinned and picked her up. "Okay, Miss Fairy Girl, let's get you into bed!"

She playfully hit him over the head with a cushion. "Cool it, Mr. Genius. I'm already expecting twins, I don't need triplets!"

"If your uterus is already occupied than how can –" He caught Anna-Maria's grin and raised eyebrow. "You were referring to me?"

"Oh, no, why would I be referring to you? After all, I always hated to taunt the owner of the second-highest I.Q. in Europe."

"_Second_-highest?"

Anna-Maria grinned and kissed him. "Only joking, darling; you know our intelligence quotients are evenly matched."

"That's better. May I have another kiss? Or a hug will do."

"Nope, bedtime!" She smiled and pulled up the bedclothes.

"So soon? You usually give me at least five kisses before bedtime."

"Oh, shut up! That was on our wedding night; you could sense my happiness in the air!"

Artemis smiled. "Of course, I remember that. And you had good reason to be so happy. After all, only one woman could marry the great Artemis Fowl the second."

Anna-Maria frowned and smacked him in the head with her pillow. "You're also forgetting that only one man could marry Anna-Maria Root! Where's Julio's phone number? Maybe his proposal hasn't been withdrawn yet."

"No, no, no, no!"

Anna-Maria blinked at him. "That was certainly quite a lot of 'no's. Am I to believe that the 'great' Artemis Fowl is admitting that he is nothing without his beloved?"

"Well, behind very great man, there is a great woman."

"Aw, that's so sweet…wait a minute! What do you mean by BEHIND? Women don't need men to be great; men are dependent on women, not vice versa! That's it! I have Julio on speed-dial…" She whipped out her cell-phone.

"You wouldn't."

She looked him in the eye and flipped up the cover. "I would."

"At four-thirty A.M.?"

"Any doubts?"

"Oh, please. You would never desert me. What was it you said? Oh yes, 'Artemis, if anything happens to you I'll die!'"

She pushed the appropriate button and put the phone to her ear. "_Ciao, Julio. Come va? Sí, io sapo sono le quattro e mezzo, ma io percepo triste. __Perchè? Artemis diro__1__ – _"

Artemis grabbed the phone. "Julio, I have a very good explanation and on no account is it viable to propose to my wife! Hello?"

He frowned as Anna-Maria grinned. "I never pushed 'call' you know."

"Do you _enjoy_ hurting me like this?"

She sighed and opened her arms. "Teasing, maybe; hurting, no. Come here, genius-boy, you can have your other three kisses."

Artemis smiled and closed the cell-phone. "That enlightens things a little."

Anna-Maria held up one hand. "But just this once, okay?"

Artemis smiled and leaned against the bed-post. "You always say that."

"And I mean it this time." She kissed him quickly. "Okay, you've had your fun; now it's my turn."

Artemis looked bewildered. "Come again? Did you not already have your fun?"

"Hmm…I'm not quite done yet." She hit him over the head with her pillow, toppling him onto his side of the bed. "Now, I'm done. Goodnight, Arty."

Artemis frowned and laid his head on the pillow. She only called him 'Arty' when she was feeling particularly mischievous. "Goodnight, darling."

"Artemis?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't rub my midriff in the middle of the night asking the twins about what their personalities will be like when they're older like you did last night; it woke me up."

"Yes, darling. Do I still have Minerva's phone number?"

Anna-Maria's eyes bolted open and she faced him, pillow in her hands. "Don't start that again!"

Artemis grinned. "I was just wondering whether it was too late whether to advise her not to expect as much of Julio as you do of me."

"They've only been dating a couple of months!"

"Your point?"

She sighed and thumped him on the head with her pillow. "Once again, _goodnight _Artemis."

"Goodnight, darling."

"Don't start that AGAIN!"

_**An extremely eventful night, wasn't it? Don't worry, I'll do all your ideas, I promise, but only if you keep reviewing!**_

1 Hello, Julio. How are you? Yes, I know it's 4:30, but I feel sad. Why? Artemis says –


	9. Cooking Chaos

_**Sorry it took so long for the update everyone! My parents dragged me all over the past three weekends I barely had time to do schoolwork, let alone write a fanfiction!**_

Artemis was reading a book on how to treat newborn infants when he smelled a wonderful aroma that lured him into the kitchen. "Anna-Maria, you know how to cook?"

"Not really; I'm taking classes."

"It smells delicious."

"I'm making curry and rice for lunch; do you mind?"

"No. What's the curry made of?"

Anna-Maria expertly stirred the concoction in the pot. "Hmm…lentils, red chili powder, black pepper, tomatoes, garlic, ginger and a pinch of cilantro. It will be ready in a few minutes. Want to try?" She held up a small spoonful for him to taste.

Artemis chewed thoughtfully and swallowed. "Excellent, especially for a first attempt! I do beli–" His eyes grew wide and a vein in his temple pulsed.

The half-fairy girl snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Artemis, are you oka–" "WATER!!!" She watched, appalled, as he grabbed a jug of water off the table and drank its contents without a single pause. "Too spicy?"

Artemis panted a little as he set the jug back on the table. "You think? Is your cooking teacher Indian?"

"Yes, so?"

"India is known for serving some of the spiciest food in the world!"

"Mr. Sharma said it was a comparatively mild dish."

"Yes, if one is used to eating incredibly spicy food!"

"You must be overreacting." She took a spoonful of the curry and tasted it. "Mmm…exotic _and _delectable."

The male genius's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "But it was so spicy! How did you…?"

"My mother was fond of spicy food; this curry is nothing compared to some of the dishes she got me to try."

"Oh, really? Did she have an iron tongue?"

"Just drink something that contains sugar. Or eat some yogurt. Both are known for reducing the extremely spicy feeling and –"

"Why do you sound like you are thinking that I am weak by not being able to consume such spicy food?"

She put her hands on her hips. "I do not!"

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't!"

"Fine. I'll bet you I can eat a plateful of that curry and rice without a single sip of water."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you sure about this?"

"I can do it easily."

"_Non lo so_,Artemis…it sounds foolhardy to me."

"Since when am I foolhardy?"

"Artemis, if you're trying to prove something; don't. You know you're perfectly fine the way you are; don't do anything you'll regret."

"It is merely a plateful of spicy curry, Anna-Maria; it is not as if I am planning to bungee jump off a bridge."

"_Are_ you planning to bungee jump off a bridge?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Forget it." She turned and picked up her duffel bag. "I'm going to my maternity session. See you later; don't do anything without thinking first."

Artemis frowned and raised an eyebrow. As soon as her back was turned, he picked up the serving spoon and began to eat the curry ravenously.   
000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000   
"Darn it, I forgot my keys!" Anna-Maria mumbled to herself, stepping back into the kitchen. "Artemis! What are you doing?"

"I told you I could eat it without consuming water." He replied, laying his finished plate in the sink.

"Artemis, your eyes are completely red!" She grabbed a glass and a jug of water. "Drink some now!"

"No."

"Artemis, I said now!"

"Why should I?"

"If you eat extremely hot food without being used to it, you can develop pancreas and liver problems; you know that!"

"Then how would drinking water help if the spices have already entered my system?"

She frowned, her knuckles turning white on the handle of the jug. "It wouldn't; but it would help your eyes – which, by the way, are starting to water."

"No, they are not."

She held back a scream of irritation and instead, she dumped the jug of water over his head. "Humph, and you have no consideration for my condition now, huh?"

Mindful of the ice that had been in the water; Anna-Maria retrieved a towel and handed it to him. "I'll get the hair-dryer."

Artemis took the towel and wiped his face. "I suppose I deserved that."

"Yeah, well, so did I." She plugged in the hair-dryer and set it to its highest speed. "Now, let's get you dry."

"You know," Artemis said over the sound of the hair-dryer. "That curry was actually quite good."

"Thanks. Mr. Sharma said I was one of his best students."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Did I mention there were only two other students?"

"I don't think you did." He replied, smiling.

She turned off the hair-dryer and kissed his cheek. "You're perfectly dry now."

"Are you late for your maternity session?"

She looked at the clock. "No, not yet. Why?"

Artemis lifted the towel from his shoulders. "I was thinking about going with you."

"Well, if that's what you want…are we going to be eating out tonight?"

"No, we'll eat here. However, I would like to meet Mr. Sharma."

"His dishes are spicier than mine, Artemis." She warned.

"All the more enjoyable."

_**Again, sorry the update took me so long!**_


	10. Maternity Session

_**Sorry, I know I took a horrendously large amount of time to update! Please review!**_

The redheaded female in the front of the room was beginning to get on Artemis' nerves. For one thing, she sounded and looked like she had no idea what she was talking about. For another, she had confused him for Anna-Maria's brother even though the tanned Italian was as different in appearance from her husband as she could be; right down to her dark-brown tresses opposed to his jet-black hair.

"Ladies, you need to focus all that pain and pressure you will encounter during labor in one spot. This concentration of energy will numb the pain somewhat and allow you to focus your attention away from the pressure. The most basic maneuver is to clutch the hand of your husband and squeeze as hard as you can. Any questions?"

Artemis raised an arm.

"Yes, Mr. Fowl? You had a question?"

Anna-Maria sighed and focused on her breathing exercises, readying herself for the male genius's question. It was not often that he had one; therefore it was liable to assume that whatever question he had now would be…well, a blast.

"Would it be considered inappropriate to wear a protective glove of some sort for this 'maneuver', as you call it?"

"A…protective glove, Mr. Fowl?" The redhead was clearly stunned. "Does your wife possess that type of upper body strength that would only be further strengthened during labor?"

"You should have seen her when we first discovered she was pregnant." Artemis muttered. Anna-Maria frowned and smacked his shoulder before returning to her exercises. He could not help but wince slightly; despite suffering from diabetes, Anna-Maria had frequently lifted weights as a teen.

"Well, I suppose that, in your case, you may want to wear protective gloves to prevent your bones from being…crushed."

Artemis nodded and turned his attention to Anna-Maria. "You have been practicing those breathing exercises for the past five minutes; keep at it and you'll be an expert after another five."

Anna-Maria frowned and lifted herself into a sitting position. "Keep at it and you'll find a bar of soap in your mouth in another three."

"Okay, ladies; when you go into labor you are going to have to put nearly all your effort into pushing the baby out of your body."

"Push from _where_?" Anna-Maria demanded. "Last time I checked I didn't have a button on me that I had to push in order to extract a fetus."

"No, Mrs. Fowl; this is similar to what I was talking about earlier. You have to focus and push, concentrating on your lower body. The rest will be left to nature."

Anna-Maria whispered in Artemis' ear, "Did you change our doctor?"

"Already done." He replied, gripping her hand while she practiced 'pushing'. "Since the new doctor is human, I edited the records sent to the government at the time of our marriage."

"Edited them to say WHAT? That I'm half-fairy?"

"No; I inserted the medical history of your maternal family and your diagnosis of diabetes." Artemis responded, keeping an eye on the ditzy redheaded teacher.

"And for twins, remember; for twice the infants, there is twice the pain!"

"Why did she have to mention the pain?!" Artemis muttered. "Anna-Maria, how are you doing so far?"

"Oh, I was doing great until she reminded me that any physical pain I have suffered is nothing compared to labor!" The Italian grumbled. "These pushing exercises are boring! Can I do some push-ups?"

"NO!"

Anna-Maria stared at the rest of the people in the room. "Thanks, but I was asking my husband."

"Sit-ups are permissible, however the amount must be limited and no strains are to be risked." Artemis said.

"Fair enough." Anna-Maria agreed, positioning herself for the sit-ups. "Hey, Artemis, who do you think Angelina and Artemis III are going to be like the most?"

"Butler." Artemis replied bluntly, his attention turned to a maternity magazine.

"WHAT?!" Anna-Maria toppled back on her mat. "Why would they be like **Butler**?"

"I meant you."

"How did you get 'Butler' out of 'you'?"

"I meant to say they looked like you, however Butler paged me just as I was about to say it. His name replaced yours at the last moment, I assure you."

"Well, okay, I guess." She stopped her sit-ups and looked over his shoulder. "Why are you reading a maternity magazine?"

"This article is quite interesting. It debates the subject of whether or not infants begin to form memories at birth."

She leaned in for a closer look. "No it isn't; that's a contest for the cutest baby in Ireland!"

Artemis looked up at her and raised an eyebrow. "You were looking at the wrong page."

"Oh. Well, that baby is pretty cute!"

"Not as cute as Angelina and young Artemis will be."

Anna-Maria blinked. "Artemis, the twins aren't even born yet and you're already proclaiming them the cutest infants in Ireland."

"You do not think our children will be handsome?"

"They will as long as they didn't inherit your pallor. Mom showed me your baby pictures; you looked like a vampire during infancy!"

"I did not."

"One of the photos won the 'Scariest Baby of the Year' award."

The redhead tapped both genii on the shoulders. "If you two lovebirds don't mind; I HAVE A LESSON TO TEACH!"

"Keep your hat on." Anna-Maria pulled a wool cap over the girl's eyes.

Artemis chuckled. "I do believe I couldn't have said it better myself."


	11. Baby Simulator

_**Okay, Anna-Maria still has two months left in her gestation period. If any of you have any ideas you want me to do, let me know now. **_

"What. Is. That?" Artemis asked. "Last time I checked there were still two months left in your gestation period."

"There are, thanks for noticing." Anna-Maria replied sarcastically. Over the last couple of months, her belly had grown in size so much that she feared she would one day get stuck in a doorway. Still, the doctor has assured her that the twins were healthy.

"Then what are you holding?"

"What, this?" She held it up. "It's a baby simulator."

"And we would need a baby simulator because…"

"We have to learn how to properly change diapers so the twins won't get rashes in… uncomfortable places." Anna-Maria replied.

"Why do _I _need to learn how to change a diaper?"

"Because I can't change the diapers of two babies at once, that's why." She replied huffily.

"And we can't just get a maid to do it?"

"Artemis! A maid is no substitute for parental affection! We have to learn to do this ourselves."

"Fine. Here, give it." The male genius held his hand out for the baby simulator, withdrawing it at the last moment. "Wait, is it going to squirt makeshift urine on me as soon as I open its diaper?"

"No, Artemis. But it does burp makeshift milk." Anna-Maria picked up the simulator and thumped its back; a stream of white liquid squirted out and sprayed all over Artemis' shirt. "Oops, sorry."

"Charming." Artemis muttered as he wiped the front of his shirt with a towel. "You are going to have to pay for this shirt, Anna-Maria."

"Fine, whatever. Just take the baby…I mean the simulator."

"Is there anything else I should know before I proceed with changing that contraption's diaper?" He inquired.

"Actually…if you treat it incorrectly – not placing enough baby powder, for example – it's going to start crying nonstop for about five minutes or until the mistake is corrected."

"Oh, is that all?" Artemis asked, sarcasm dripping from each word.

_Five Minutes Later…_

"Stop that infernal contraption before I rip its simulated head off!"

Anna-Maria bent over the simulator. "Why me? It was your lousy changing that made it cry in the first place."

"I did nothing so 'lousy', as you say."

"You completely forgot the baby powder!"

"Just stop that horrific din!" He cried, covering his ears with his hands.

"Artemis, a similar 'horrific din' will be produced by Angelina and Artemis. Babies always cry when they're hungry or need something." Anna-Maria said defensively.

"Not like that simulator."

"True. No baby could sound be so annoyingly consistent and ill-tempered." She agreed.

_Five __**More**__ Minutes Later…_

"I'M THROWING THIS THING OUT THE HIGHEST WINDOW I CAN FIND!" Anna-Maria screamed.

Artemis held her back, keeping her from seizing the simulator. "Did you not say 'we need to be professional about this' only a few minutes ago?"

"That was before I realized there is something seriously wrong with that thing. LET ME AT IT!"

"Would it not be easier to simply return the simulator?"

"And let someone else suffer because of that little mechanical monster? No way!" She lunged for it, but Artemis still held her arms tightly, and she missed.

"Darling, relax. Remember, your blood sugar and blood pressure must not rise; particularly now that you are expecting."

She stopped and sighed. "Yes, you're right. Where's my meter?"

Artemis produced it from a drawer and proceeded to check her blood sugar and blood pressure. "Hmm…your blood sugar is normal; a result of your insulin injection taken earlier today, I presume. However, your blood pressure is in danger of rising to tremendous heights."

"I know how we can fix that."

"Do you? How?"

She picked up the simulator, lifted the window, and threw it out of the Manor. She watched it crash on the path below. Anna-Maria breathed a sigh of relief. "See? I got it to stop crying."


	12. Baby Shower

_**Sorry, long update, I know; just please, review!**_

Anna-Maria felt Artemis' warm breath settle softly around her as she rested her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat through the fabric of his shirt. "Artemis," She said softly. "I love you."

"I can't believe it."

She lifted her head and looked at him. "What? I've told you that before. Are you reading your email on your mobile phone again even though I _specifically_ told you to relax for a few minutes?"

Artemis smiled and drew her closer to him, admiring the sharp contrast of her green eyes to the various colors of the crisp autumn leaves surrounding them under the shade of the large oak tree. "Not that. I find it difficult to believe now that I used to actually have dreams of marrying Minerva until I met you."

Anna-Maria laid her head on his shoulder and sighed. "I'm not sure if I should be flattered or insulted."

"Hmm…your grandfather knew what he was doing when he named you after the Roman goddess of love, Anna-Maria Venus Fowl…" Artemis leaned his own head against the tree trunk and closed his eyes, following the slope of her stomach with his hands.

"Artemis, if your hands slip any further, you're going to get a punch between the eyes, _capisci_?"

He opened his eyes slowly and looked down at her. "You ruined my romantic mood."

"Good," She replied. "My best pillow is inside the manor."

"And what would you have done if you had injured me?" He asked.

"With a pillow?" Anna-Maria said disbelievingly.

"Just imagine it," He replied. "What would you have done?"

Anna-Maria smiled as she listened to his even, steady breathing. "Simple," She answered quietly. "I would have grabbed the insurance cards and gone to the hospital a little earlier than scheduled."

"Are you serious?" He asked solemnly, his chilling blue eyes searching for her answer.

"Yes and no," She sighed and laid a hand on her stomach. "Can you believe it, Artemis? Only two months are left, and the babies' kicks are getting stronger everyday."

Artemis thought for a few moments. "No."

She lifted her head and raised an eyebrow at him. "You want to feel their kicking? I may have gotten used to it, but the pain is still there, you know."

"No; I meant, I can't believe we have not arranged a baby shower yet."

"How is that hard to believe? You hate parties, and I hate dressing up for them." Anna-Maria replied.

"Still, we should have one."

"If you say so," She returned her head to his shoulder and closed her eyes, focusing on her breathing patterns. "Do you need any help?"

"Only in maintaining this romantic feeling."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Anna-Maria! I need your help!" Artemis called.

She looked up from her laptop. "Artemis, I'm busy! Settle your romantic feelings with a Bollywood movie if you need to."

"Not that," He replied, entering the study. "Mother is selecting the invitations."

"So?"

He placed a pair of sample invitations on the desk, facing her. "She cannot choose between these two, and I don't have either the taste or the patience for these things."

"Well, neither do I," She replied. "Just pick one at random."

"Either way, I am going to be dissatisfied. It's either Garfield or Mickey Mouse. Why can't there be an invitation that has more important, more professional images on it, like a play college degree? The achievement could be the upcoming birth of the twins, and there could be blanks for their names and our signatures."

"Cute idea," Anna-Maria smiled and handed him the Mickey Mouse invitation. "But, the reason for that is because Artemis and Angelina are babies, not college graduates. Go with the Mickey Mouse; at least it's cuter than a fat cat."

"Well, at least that's settled," Artemis took the sample invitation from her. "But we still have the guest list to finalize. Minerva and Julio are dating now, right?"

"Right," She replied, turning back to her laptop. "So?"

"Should we still invite them?"

"Of course; why not?"

"I don't want to see them making puppy-eyes at each other when they happen to be in separate corners of the room." Artemis replied.

Anna-Maria shuddered involuntarily. "Neither do I. I'll tell Julio to follow a 'no kissy-face, puppy-eyes' policy."

"And Minerva?"

"I'll claw her eyes out if I see her sneaking mushy looks at anyone. I'll just have to make sure that she actually _is _lovesick and doesn't just have something in her eyes."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Anna-Maria, you look positively radiant!" Minerva exclaimed, enveloping the Italian girl in her embrace.

"Er…yeah. Okay," She prodded the older girl's arms. "Okay, hug's over."

"Sorry." Minerva let her go with a small smile.

Anna-Maria straightened the wrinkles that had formed in her blouse and walked away, muttering, "Frond, she's gotten clingy."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Hey, Artemis!"

The Irishman turned. "Hello, Julio. How are you?"

"Well," The Venetian man looked around him, grinning. "Now that I'm here, I'm fine. That is one fine-looking –"

"Ahem," Artemis cleared his throat loudly. "I hope you were not referring to Anna-Maria in any way."

"I had a crush on her when I was _eight years-old_!" Julio protested. "I am not interested in…is that a Venetian blouse she's wearing?"

Artemis looked at him and waited. "Are you done? And, in case you were wondering, Minerva has already arrived, your _girlfriend_. And, in case you forgot, Anna-Maria, my _wife, _is seven months pregnant."

"Uh…yeah, I remembered, trust me," Julio replied. "Relax, Artemis. Remember, I'm only Anna-Maria's childhood best friend and your adulthood one.

"Although," He added to himself. "Friendship is supposed to be the first step to love and I was her first and only friend for a long time, so…"

"What?"

"Uh…nothing," Julio turned. "I'm just going to –"

_SPLASH!_

Anna-Maria appeared at her husband's side. "Julio accidentally walked into the deep end of the pool again, didn't he?"

"Yes," Artemis replied. "Odd, that's the fifth time in the past six months."

Anna-Maria sighed. "Well, Artemis…I think we have some very, very strange friends." She looked at him. "Do you catch my drift?"

"I understand perfectly. By the way," He lowered his voice. "Some of our fairy friends are upstairs in the manor."

"Great, we can go in a minute. Did you know that Minerva bought the twins pink and blue personalized miniature bathtubs?"

Artemis chuckled. "Yes, well, Julio got them a pair of walkie-talkie bracelets."

"Well, what can I say? Julio gets a little crazy sometimes. But he's a good friend."

"Yes…of course he is."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Anna-Maria!" Holly exclaimed. "Whoa, you…got big. Well, you are having twins, after all. How do you fit through the doors?"

Anna-Maria smiled, used to her elfin friend's ways. "Nice to see you too, Holly. And Artemis had to remodel the doors a little." She winked so that Foaly would know that she was joking.

Holly smiled back and handed her a gift bag. "Open it."

"Now?" She opened it and drew out a box with a clear lid that revealed matching white gold personalized bracelets. "Oh, Holly, they're so cute…did I just say that? Minerva's behavior must be infectious."

Foaly handed her a wrapped package. "I think you and Mud Boy will be pretty interested in this, a new invention of my own."

Artemis looked over Anna-Maria's shoulder as she unwrapped the package and opened the box. She studied the small screens for a moment. "Let me guess, mini-laptops that can hang in the babies' cribs and will automatically begin brain-stimulating programs that will enhance the twins' learning process?"

"That…was a very thorough guess."

Anna-Maria grinned. "Actually, you wrote the entire thing on the inside of the box."

"Let me see the young couple!" An oddly familiar voice rang out.

"Oh, no," Anna-Maria turned to Artemis. "Is that our old doctor?"

The pixie appeared in front of them. "Hello, Mud Man, Mud Girl. Congratulations," She held out a bag. "This one is for you."

Anna-Maria reluctantly took the bag and opened it, drawing out a model of a human baby. "Uh…what…is…this?"

"Can't you tell, dear? It's a baby simulator."

"Gah!" She involuntarily dropped it; it began shrieking loudly once it hit the floor. "Not again!"

Artemis supported her shoulders protectively. "For the record, 'gah' is not a word."

She glared at him. "You're lucky you were born a male human instead of a male seahorse."

His eyebrows furrowed as he caught her meaning. "Right…get rid of that simulator, someone!"

Anna-Maria picked it up and dropped it out the window, wincing when a very loud "ouch!" was heard from below. "Sorry, Julio!" She called. "I didn't know it would fall on your head!"

The fairy doctor took another bag from her side. "And these are for your little Arthur and Apolla –"

"You mean, Artemis and Angelina?"

"Right, right." She handed them a bottle and reached back into her purse. "Now, I do believe I saw…"

Anna-Maria looked at the bottle's label. "Flea remover? Uh…Doctor, you do know that Artemis and Angelina are babies, not puppies?"

"Oh, of course they are," She drew out a pair of dishes. "Now, these are water bowls for Anne and Aristotle –"

"ANGELINA AND ARTEMIS!" Everyone exclaimed. This was not going to be easy.


	13. Medical Report 2

_**Keep reviewing, everyone! I'm always welcome to new ideas. **_

"Ouch!" Artemis winced as a small piece of wood landed on his head. "David! What did you do now?!"

Artemis's younger brother, David, jumped down from the loft. "I told you to read the sign on the door before entering."

David's twin sister, Diana, joined him. "Still, Davy, you have to be careful. Our sister-in-law is going to have twins soon, after all." She told him. "We're lucky Artemis came in instead when you were working on the chainsaw."

David's brown eyes twinkled behind his goggles. "Yeah, yeah, the baby twins…I remember. What did you think I was working on anyway?"

"What _were_ you working on?" Artemis asked, feeling the small bump on his head carefully.

"Baby cribs for Artemis and Angelina," The fair-haired male genius replied. "Di here was painting them purple and green."

"Purple and green?" The raven-haired genius repeated, one eyebrow raised. "Why purple and green?"

"The use of pink and blue for young female and male infants," Diana explained, "Seems highly stereotypical. Experimenting with different colors led us to decide on purple and green."

"Well, alright. Anyway, I came in here to ask if either of you know where Anna-Maria is. I've been looking all over the manor ever since I came home, and I haven't found her yet."

The blonde twins exchanged looks. "I think Anna-Maria is still asleep." Diana replied.

"She was working late last night in her study for some reason." David added. "I think she was reading a maternity book or something of the sort."

"She's _still_ asleep? Well, I suppose being seven months pregnant would leave her feeling drowsy at some point in response to her hormonal changes," He checked his watch. "But I didn't expect her to sleep for twelve hours straight."

Diana looked at her twin. "Remind me never to have kids," She told him. "It would interfere with my experiments."

Anna-Maria was resting quietly when Artemis opened the door. She lifted her hand from her eyes and smiled at him. "You're home," She observed. "Did you pick up those doctor's reports?"

He leaned over the bed to kiss her softly and showed her the envelope in his hand. "How do you feel?"

"Fine," She replied, stifling a yawn. "Tired. But I feel fine other than that. Have you seen the reports yet?"

"Not yet," He replied, opening the envelope carefully. "I wanted you to see them with me."

"Okay, okay." Anna-Maria propped herself up on her pillow and waited. "So, what does it say?"

Artemis's face took on a strange expression as he read the report. "I think the doctor's aide mixed up our reports with someone else's."

"What makes you say that?" She asked.

"Well, according to this the patient in question has had a miscarriage followed by an emergency surgery, and is now, unfortunately, infertile."

"That's impossible," Anna-Maria leaned back and closed her eyes to rest. A moment later her eyes snapped open and she shot up off her pillow. "WHAT?!"

"Relax, Anna-Maria, relax," He told her softly, taking her hand in his. "As I said, there must have been a mix-up."

"Yes, of course…unless I was operated on while I was asleep and the use of anesthetic would explain why I am still tired!" She exclaimed, frantic. "Oh, Artemis this is horrible!"

"For the patient who actually had the miscarriage, yes. For you, no." He studied her for a moment. "And if you did have a miscarriage, how do you explain that your midsection is still growing despite the fact that this report is supposed to be from last month's checkup?" He knelt and laid his ear against her carefully. "And I can feel them kicking."

Anna-Maria took a deep breath and laid a hand on her stomach. "Right; sorry I overacted. It's just a little stressful that I have to keep my blood pressure and my blood sugar normal what with my diabetes and all and with the twins…I'm okay."

"Good," Artemis replied as he stood. "Look, we'll just go to the hospital and get the right reports back."

She stifled a yawn and asked, "Do you mind if I take a nap in the backseat?"

"No, as long as you be careful." He answered. She had always been a tomboy, but she was also a little clumsy sometimes and he definitely didn't want her tripping on something…especially that she was pregnant. "You know, maybe I should get a few more blankets…" He left for the door and turned back to look at her for a moment. "…and maybe some trail mix."

Artemis looked over the reports carefully, his frosty blue eyes scanning the paper voraciously. Everything seemed alright. The twins were healthy and so was Anna-Maria…it didn't look like she would need a Caesarian.

"Mr. Fowl, what are you doing here? I don't recall having an appointment today."

He looked up at the kind-faced doctor and smiled. "No, Doctor, not today. Our medical reports got switched and we came over to get the real one."

The young doctor had her straight, long blond hair tied back in a ponytail and her blue eyes appeared concerned as she looked over to where Anna-Maria was quietly reading a maternity magazine. "Oh, I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I was just coming back from my break and I don't have any appointments scheduled for another couple of hours, would you like me to see her now?"

"Can you see her now? I have to see how she feels about that."

"How who feels about what?"

Artemis nearly jumped out of his skin. He still was not used to how Anna-Maria sometimes appeared next to him suddenly as if from nowhere. At any rate, it was better than it was with her friend Julio. The Venetian seemed to live on startling people. "Doctor Johannsen was just telling me she had time if you wanted a quick check-up."

"Well, why not?" Anna-Maria smiled. "_Come _sta, _dottoressa_?" She asked, for the doctor was an American of Italian descent. She had been called to Ireland for a few special cases.

The young doctor returned her smile. "I'm doing very well, thank you for asking, Anna-Maria. You know you may call me Angela."

"And how is your husband?"

"Oh, Michael is doing well, too. He says that he won't be doing undercover assignments for a while, and I must say I'm relieved. He was most interested when I told him that you used to be a police officer."

"Yes, but such a position can be dangerous at times, and Arty insisted that I stop, or, at the very least, choose a less life-threatening occupation."

Artemis felt cut out of the conversation. "May we _please_ get back to the subject of the check-up?" He looked at his watch. "Preferably before the twins are born."

"Oh, of course," Angela smiled. "Please come with me."

Artemis looked at the framed certificates that covered the walls as Angela prepared Anna-Maria for the sonogram machine. "It says here you have been listed as one of the greatest minds of the world alongside Albert Einstein? I do believe I never heard of that."  
"Oh," The doctor's pale face colored as she blushed uncomfortably. "That was only a few years ago, actually. After a certain…incident, I chose not to broadcast myself so much, especially since I inherited half of the fortune my parents left for my brother and I." She stopped what she was doing and looked up. "It may be better for all of us if you don't mention that to anyone."

Anna-Maria lay back uneasily as Angela started the machine. "How do they look?"

"Perfectly healthy, Anna-Maria," She replied as she shifted something. "Since Angelina and Artemis are fraternal twins, you can see that there appears to be a thin barrier of some sort separating them." She leaned in closer. "I know you two are genii, but this is ridiculous!"

"What?!" Artemis and Anna-Maria asked at the same time.

"Angelina appears to be communicating with Artemis in the womb…using Morse code! She is tapping against the barrier with her feet, which you probably feel, Anna-Maria…and Artemis seems to be answering her. My goodness, this is certainly something I have never seen before."

Artemis looked at Anna-Maria. The half-fairy shrugged helplessly. "Did you ever do anything like that? My mother told me once that I was changing my own diapers by the time I was six months old."

"No…I never did anything like that. Although when Mother insisted that she read me bedtime stories when I was four even though I could already read, I asked her to read _A Tale of Two Cities_ or _The Tragedy of Julius Caesar_."

Angela shook her head at them. "I suppose I always did things like that, too. My brother, Antonello, was much quieter about his intelligence than I was. He's three years younger than me, and he digitally changed the results of his I.Q. test when he was nine so that my parents wouldn't brag about him. Actually, I didn't even know until he told me himself when he was twenty-two. He's a lawyer now." She snatched the printout from the printer and handed it to the raven-haired genius.

"Interesting," Artemis turned his gaze to the printout. "Oh, I can see what you meant. It certainly does look a little…odd, to say the least."

Anna-Maria sat up and looked over his shoulder. "At least now they're fully formed so you can't confuse Angelina for Artemis."

He lowered the printout and frowned. "It was a simple error anyone could have made."

"Artemis, you were looking at Angelina's arms and thought she was a boy with two –"

"Uh, I think that's enough for now," Angela said quickly, cutting off her patient's sentence as she turned off the machine. "You may go now if you like, and I'll be sure to tell Michael that I saw you again today. Maybe he'll have an interesting story for me to tell you next week."

"Right…sorry." Anna-Maria stood carefully. "How much time is left, do you think?"

"Only about a month and a half," Angela replied. "I suggest you be ready at any time, Artemis. It often happens unexpectedly."

"Should I pack extra food in the car?"

"I don't think so. But a pitcher of ice cubes would be good for Anna-Maria to bite down on. I suggest keeping one in the freezer at all times."

Artemis looked back at Anna-Maria and smiled. "I should probably just wire a mini-freezer into the Bentley.


	14. Time?

Artemis glanced in Anna-Maria's direction as he handed her another tissue from the box next to him. After a few moments, he tossed that one in the trash can beside the sofa and handed her another tissue. He watched her and shook his head as he gave her yet another tissue. "I still fail to understand why you are crying."

Anna-Maria blew her nose and tossed the tissue into the trash can. "Artemis, the story is simply saddening…if you had any feelings at all your tear ducts wouldn't be so shriveled up from disuse."

"Thanks," He replied in an injured tone. "I always wanted my wife to tell me why I have shriveled tear ducts." He handed her another tissue. Seeing her expression, he added, "Yes, I know you didn't mean it like that and I am not taking offense…but you read _Pride and Prejudice_ years ago and you know how the story ends, so why are you crying?"

"Because it just looks so sad…poor Darcy," Anna-Maria wiped her eyes. "Elizabeth won't give him another chance because she's still upset about what he told Bingley at the ball."

"And we couldn't have watched something less tear-inducing?" He asked. "Something like…oh, say _Spy Kids_? But then of course you would have cried when that woman's hair caught fire because of the regretful loss of her split ends. I have never seen you so sentimental…I think I preferred it when you were Beetroot Junior. At least then I would be prepared for your anger."

"Oh, stop complaining," She tossed her tissue at him. Artemis lifted it from the sofa by its edge and threw it into the garbage as if it carried a contagious disease. "Anyway," She continued, "The movie's almost over. You can go to sleep now if you want. I'm not tired yet."

"No, I'll stay up with you," He replied, settling back into the sofa. "Besides, you might want a snack and I don't trust you with so much as a butter-knife in this condition."

"Artemis, you can be so unromantic at times!" She exclaimed. "I know I'm acting unusual right now, but what do you expect?"

He glanced at her. "If I'm so unromantic, how do you explain Angelina and Artemis?"

She waved her hand at him, her eyes riveted on the screen. "Shh…I think Darcy's about to propose to Elizabeth…again."

The raven-haired genius made sure she was watching the movie before he tossed the box of tissues over the back of the sofa. "Oh, would you look at that? We're all out of tissues. Well, I should go and get another box before the movie ends. So I'll just go…" He stood up to leave.

She grabbed his arm and pulled him down again. "No need," She drew a box of tissues from under her blanket, opened it, and handed it to him without moving her gaze from the movie. "There you go."

He blinked. "Have you had this the entire time?"

"Of course," She answered. "Now shush, I'm trying to hear what Elizabeth is saying."

"On second thought, I think I'll go to bed."

"Okay, just make sure you don't fall over the –"

_ CRASH!_

Anna-Maria looked away from the screen. "Baby simulator," She finished, sighing. "We really should have smashed that thing with a hammer last month. Even Julio admitted it gave him a massive headache."

Artemis stood and opened a window. "That's because you threw it out and it happened to land on his head." He flung the simulator out of the manor and closed the window.

"Goodnight, Artemis."

"Are you coming anytime soon?"

"Give me an hour or so…maybe five."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Anna-Maria turned and mumbled drowsily, "Artemis?"

"Hmm…?" He mumbled back. "What is it now? We're all out of pickles."

"Artemis, you know I hate pickles."

He blinked sleepily. "What did you want to tell me?"

"I think my water just broke."

The male genius turned to his side and mumbled, "It's past midnight, darling. I'll call a plumber to fix it in the morning."

She blinked and sat up. "Artemis? Dear, did you hear what I said?"

"Of course I heard," He muttered. "You said you think your water…" He opened his eyes and sat up quickly. "Your water broke? Are you sure?"

Anna-Maria took deep breaths as she replied, "I think so. It really can't be anything else."

He got out from under his blanket and helped her up as he moved around the room, picking up her suitcase and handing her a glass of water. "I'll call Angela…hopefully she can get to the hospital without any problems. How far are the contractions, would you say?"

"Far enough," She replied as she took the glass of water and began to gulp it down nervously. "I don't think I'll be ready for delivery for another couple of hours at least."

He moved quickly as she took deeper and slower breaths. "Okay, we've got extra clothes for you, ice in the Bentley, Butler's ready, Angela's on her way to the hospital, Mother knitted baby clothes for the twins…is there anything I'm forgetting?" He called from the hallway as he grabbed his jacket.

"Yes, Artemis," She said breathlessly, "I think there is something you are forgetting."

He came back. "Really? What did I forget?"

She gave him an odd look. "Oh, I don't know…maybe you forgot something important like…say, _me_?"

"Oh!" He helped her up and lifted her in his arms carefully. "Sorry, dear, I just got a little nervous."

"Why are _you_ nervous? I'm the one who's been carrying twins for the past eight months!"

"Yes…how do you do that? The twins feel like they must weigh at least five pounds each."

"Artemis, can we get to the hospital before the contractions get worse?!" She exclaimed angrily, her face reddening.

"Oh, honey, you got your temper back." He observed with a smile.

"Artemis, unless you get me into the Bentley _right now_, I am going to kick you in a very uncomfortable place when this is over. Let's go already! Labor pains are very, very…"

"Painful?" He suggested.

Her only response was a piercing scream.

"My apologies! This is the first time I'm doing this!"

"Oh, yeah, and I've given birth before!" She replied sarcastically, beads of sweat appearing on her forehead. "Just get me to the hospital, please. And, Artemis?"

"Yes?"

"Please don't faint if you see blood…and please don't tell me about it either."

"Anna-Maria, I do not faint…but that may depend on how much blood there is."


	15. Labor

"Okay, breathe slowly and deeply. We'll be at the hospital soon." Artemis told her as she slipped into the passenger's seat. She looked like she wanted to slap him, but she kept her gaze on the dashboard as her chest heaved with each breath. "Don't…tell me…what to do."

Artemis slid in beside her as Butler started the engine. He donned a padded glove and held out his hand to her. "Do you feel like you need to –" He never finished his question, because Anna-Maria promptly seized his hand and squeezed, her already surprising strength magnified ten-fold by the pressure in her lower body. "Eh…" Artemis gritted his teeth against the pain. His glove hadn't been enough.

Anna-Maria leaned back, already panting heavily, and closed her eyes. Pain rippled through her violently and held her head in a vise. What was she doing, a total tomboy, and experiencing labor pains? Which, by the way, were not properly named. PAIN was nowhere near what she felt right now. Still, she thought of the babies she would soon see, and it was all worth it. Another set of pains gripped her body, and she let out a little cry. She didn't even realize that she was squeezing Artemis's hand at all.

Artemis heard her cry and gently brushed her bangs away from her forehead. She felt him press a cool cloth to her warm forehead. "Shh…everything will be alright. Think of little Artemis and Angelina. They're anxious to come into the world and open their eyes to see their mother."

Anna-Maria took a deep breath and opened her eyes and looked up at him. Her head was in his lap, and she loved the feel of his cool hand on her forehead. No matter what, he would be there to support her. "And their father," she added breathlessly. "Angelina will have eyes as blue as yours, sapphire eyes."

"And Artemis will have eyes that match yours, a green as brilliant as emeralds," he replied, his smile faint in the light of the car. "Now just lay back and rest." The young man turned to look at his former bodyguard. "How far are we from the hospital, old friend?"

Butler glanced at them in the rearview mirror for a moment before he turned his eyes back to the road. "No more than three minutes, Artemis. Hang in there, Anna-Maria, you'll be fine."

"Thank you, Butler," she panted. Her chest moved up and down with each breath. Calm, deep breaths…PAIN Deep breaths, calm pulse, even heartbeat…BURNING Just a little longer now…SEARING.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Angela was already waiting for them when they reached the hospital lobby. A pair of nurses guided Anna-Maria into a wheelchair and whisked her away. Butler followed Anna-Maria and the nurses, but Artemis stayed behind for a few moments to talk to Angela. "Judging by her reports, a normal birth is expected?"

Angela pushed a stray lock of blond hair back into her ponytail. "Of course, Mr. Fowl. Anna-Maria is a healthy woman despite her diabetes mellitus; she should be fine. And if any problems arise, two heads are always better than one. Especially if two heads happen to contain big brains.

"My husband, Michael, is also arriving shortly. He wanted to meet you, he said." Angela looked beyond the raven-haired genius. "And there he is. If you'll excuse me, Mr. Fowl, I must attend to Anna-Maria." With a quick wave, she disappeared behind a set of doors.

How was Anna-Maria doing? He really had to get back to her. If anything happened, he had to be there… Artemis turned and nearly smacked right into a tall man who appeared to be in his early thirty's. "You are Mr. Fowl, right?"

"Yes," he replied smoothly. "And you must be Mr. Johannsen. Angela has mentioned you on more than one occasion."

"I hope everything she said was good. I'm a police officer, like your wife was, I heard, but I don't think I can get my own wife arrested if she says anything about me that happens to be unflattering," the man smiled, and his brown eyes twinkled as he extended his hand out to Artemis. "Call me Michael."

The young Fowl took his hand and shook it warmly. "Artemis. Michael, may I ask you a question?"

The cop leaned against a pillar, keeping his gaze on the bright blue eyes in front of him. His expression was suddenly deadly serious. "Sure. Go ahead."

"Do you have any children?"

"A daughter who just turned four," Michael's smile returned. "Takes completely after her mother, she does. Do you need some advice? Angela told me you're a first-time father, and at twenty-two as well."

"Was there much…blood involved? About how much would you say?" The young genius had never grown accustomed to the sight of blood despite all that he had been through.

"Blood? Hmm…I would say buckets' worth. Just how many buckets depends. On what exactly it depends, I'm not quite sure. I asked Angela once, and I got an hour-long lecture I barely understood two words of. Just try not to faint. Oh, and never, _ever_ tell your wife that you understand her pain when she's in labor. One, because there is no way we could ever understand that, and two, your wife will want to kill you as soon as you say it. I made that mistake, and it took five nurses to hold Angela down."

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Artemis!" Anna-Maria screamed as she sat up. "The first one's coming out!"

"Already?" Angela checked under the sheet. "Yes, the first baby is crowning. Nurse, can we get a scalpel here to cut the umbilical cord?"

Artemis stayed at Anna-Maria's side. She gripped his hand and squeezed, but this time he didn't feel it. Even when she was bedraggled, she was beautiful. She would kill him if he told her that, though, whether she was in labor or not. "Just concentrate on me, Anna-Maria," he whispered near her ear. She looked at him and smiled faintly, breathless. "Angelina and Artemis are almost here."

Another pain seized her and she closed her eyes, squeezing hard on Artemis's hand as she cried out. Then there was the sound of a baby crying, and Angela was holding a bundle in her arms. "It's a girl."

Artemis smiled and leaned over Anna-Maria. "Angelina is here, Anna-Maria. Artemis will come soon." He straightened and gently took the infant that Angela held out to him. The baby wouldn't open her eyes for a while, but that was normal. She cried a bit, as any infant would. Artemis rocked her gently in her arms, and the baby calmed down. The damp curls on her head were a rich dark brown, just like her mother's.

Anna-Maria opened her eyes. The pain was still there, but it was bittersweet now. Soon she would be able to hold her children in her arms. "Artemis?" He came close to her and showed her the baby nestled in the crook of his arm. She smiled at the infant and reached out to touch her little cheek. She drew back a second later, but that was because of the labor pains and she didn't want to hurt young Angelina with her squeezing. A nurse tenderly took Angelina from her father's arms and rocked her, allowing Artemis to turn his attention back to Anna-Maria.

Her contractions increased rapidly, and her breathing came harder. She began to cry out, though she really didn't want to. She couldn't help it. Angela bent over her and laid a cool towel on her forehead. "Push, Anna-Maria, push. Come on, just like you just did."

Anna-Maria put all her effort into it, focusing on her lower body. "Artemis, I…"

"Shh…" He held her hand as she squeezed. "Everything's fine. Little Artemis is on the way. Just a little more…"

Anna-Maria squeezed hard enough to break five hundred hands, but Artemis's bones remained intact. Baby cries filled the room again, and Angela gently lifted the baby boy into her arms while a nurse cut the umbilical cord. Anna-Maria collapsed back on the bed, panting and gasping for breath. Angela tenderly placed Artemis Fowl the Third in his mother's waiting arms and young Angela rested in her father's arms. They were a complete family now.


	16. Epilogue

**_Okay, to avoid confusion, we'll call Artemis Fowl the Second "Artemis" and Artemis Fowl the Third "Art"_**

"Artemis, did you buy diapers again?" Anna-Maria asked.

Artemis emerged from his study. "It wasn't me. I know the twins have been potty-trained for about three years now."

Anna-Maria turned to the four year old twins. "Art, honey, Angelina, do either of you know who bought diapers and put them in the nursery?" The twins looked forlorn until she knelt and held her arms out. They rushed into her embrace eagerly. Artemis smiled as she kissed the tops of their heads and hugged them warmly.

"It was Grandmama," Art told her, his green eyes reflecting his mother's.

Anna-Maria raised an eyebrow and looked at her husband. "Why would Mom get us diapers? Everyone in the Manor knows that Artemis and Angelina are potty-trained."

"They're not for us, Mom," Angelina said, her blue eyes glinting and setting off her dark brown hair.

She looked puzzled and glanced at Artemis. He just shrugged and shook his head. "What do you mean they're not for you, Angelina? Who else would they be for? Diana didn't...uh-oh. And the girl's only fifteen! I thought she would have told me if -"

"Anna-Maria, calm down," Artemis told her. "I'm sure that's not what the twins are talking about. Diana isn't even attracted to any one...I think."

"Wasn't she dating Minerva's brother, Beau, though?"

"No. Minerva just said they were. Beau, apparently, talked about nothing but chocolate on the one date Diana did have with him and she refused to go out with him again."

"Well, then what are the diapers for?"

Angelina pressed her head against her mother's abdomen. "They're for the babies who are coming, Mom."

"What babies?" Anna-Maria paled. "I'm not...there's no way I...there must be some mistake." She looked at Artemis. "Please tell me your mother is pregnant."

"She's not," Artemis replied calmly.

"_You're_ pregnant, Mom," Art said.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are," Angelina added. "Quadruplets. I can hear them."

"Anna-Maria, are you going to be all right?" Artemis asked, worried.

"Yes, I'm fine." Slowly, she stood up. "I'm not pregnant, clearly I'm not, I'll prove it."

Ten minutes later Artemis and the twins were waiting outside the bathroom. "Anna-Maria? Are you okay?"

A piercing shriek answered him.

Anna-Maria stepped out of the bathroom a moment later, thoroughly flustered. "This can't be happening again, it can't happen! I mean, honestly, I know that the mix of elf and human blood is fickle and such a pregnancy rarely survives past the first trimester, and we were lucky the first time, I knew that after the first three months Angelina and Art would be all right. This just can't happen, there's no way this would work and -"

"You're in your second trimester, Mom," Angelina told her.

Anna-Maria stopped and stared at her.

"Four months," Art confirmed.

"Anna-Maria, please remain calm," Artemis said, wrapping his arms around her shoulders comfortingly. "Just relax and everything will be -"

"Artemis, don't you tell me to relax!" she interrupted, pushing his arms away. "I need to see a new gynecologist, and I need to take off from work again, the nursery needs refinishing, we need to get a new crib, I need to start meditating daily to keep my hormones in check, and..." her voice was too much of a blur for him to understand what she said after that.

"Okay. Fine. We'll just let your...flustered state run its course."

"What flustered state? How many did you say it was this time, Art?"

"I didn't say it, Angelina did."

"Well, how many?"

"Quadruplets."

Artemis caught Anna-Maria easily before she could fall. "Well, this is exciting. Though I have to wonder how Mother knew when we didn't...must have been some maternal instinct."

"Here we go again," Anna-Maria sighed.

"Two of them are male, two are female," Art said.

"I say we name them Gavin, Danny, Carmela, and Coralie," Anna-Maria said, overcoming her initial shock.

"Good...but I like Kyle, Troy, Seda, and Ria better," Artemis replied.

"We'll pick out of a hat."


End file.
